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Major League Manager Claims Global Warming Responsible For Ascending Home Run Totals

October 4, 2016 By Conn Williamson

gibbons

Toronto Blue Jays manager John Gibbons is no stranger to the politics of baseball both on and off the field.

His pedestrian record of 644 wins and 614 losses in 9 seasons keeps him under the radar of blazing headlines with the exception of hardcore fans.  As an outspoken Republican and a veteran skipper of the MLB’s only team outside of the US, the reality of a jaded media especially within the realm of professional sports coverage presents a virtual mine field for any individual with conservative leanings.

When asked by reporters as to the cause of the steady increase in the number of home runs crushed into the outfield stands, Gibbons quipped that “global warming” was the chief culprit in the resurgence of rising power numbers around the league.  Of course, the immediate media response to his sarcastic remark was to formulate a follow-up question involving the manager’s political make-up and the implausibility that the concept of “global warming” would exist within his lexicon.  The notion of dissecting and the subsequent flawed interpretation of a conservative’s words at face value by members of the press never loses its harrowing zeal.

As for Gibbons, his Toronto Blue Jays qualified for the 2016 playoffs thanks to a roster of taking full advantage of the changing jet stream in launching veritable moonshots at a trajectory and velocity that can only be explained by the grating nuances of climate change.  Currently, a researcher is compiling various data and hypotheses that subtle alterations in conditions of the earth’s atmosphere dispel the existence of talent, stringent training regiments, diet and film study as the key factors in baseball’s home run feeding frenzy.


 

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