Diving through the passenger side rolled down window of a self-driving vehicle West coast style, the word “reassignment”, now riding shotgun alongside “militant groupthink” operating the car (well at least activating the aut0 drive feature) viral political correctness has reached all corners of the planet. The two disturbing societal riding in the Musk-mobile are embarking on a road trip of outreach for special interests and will pick up a bevy of passengers which includes transformed swimmer Lisa Thomas and a Hillary Clinton bodyguard pushed past the threshold of sanity to eventually compete for the Miss Universe title in 2027.
Spreading across the nation (even in fly over states in which Democrats claim that nobody actually lives on the surface) as an apathetic counterrevolution to tradition by “I identify as…”, normalizing the wildly popular duality of gender reveal parties and gender reassignment surgeries, has unveiled a lucrative cottage industry for “entrepreneurs” globally and spanning the moralistic compass. The term “gender”, outside of the conjunction with “bending”, is the new Bitcoin as investors and prospectors navigate the raucous crowds pushing and shoving for early retirement and beach access to Mark Zuckerberg’s Hawaii e-state, as the foundational properties of Darwinism are on full display. From chocolate to boutique pharmaceuticals, forecasts for return on investment remain highly optimistic at the expense of commonsense.
While the smart day traders effectively utilize the tool of “I identify as…” and inserting Kaitlyn Jenner at the end of the legally binding phrase in 11 blue states to avoid any investment delays, Al Gore’s disciples and the Cartel wait in their shadows to corner the entire bizarrely confusing yet lucrative marketplace. The New Green Deal flat earther’s industry plans to profit from the alleged climate alarm embellished caused by non-organic confetti and balloons left in the aftermath of parents unveiling the sex the unborn child to be at local parks and waterways. Members of the Sonoran gang is taking the venture to dizzying heights in designing and distributing an “I identify as…” line of hybrid drugs aimed at individuals going through and those who have completed the sexual reassignment process. Word has it that the Cartel is even attempting to copywrite “gender” and launch a strain of illegal substances that can actually alter identities on a whim, through syringes and pills. A woman one week, a college football linebacker the next- however, there is no turning back once a permanent sex change has been performed.
Far away from the cutting-edge of hipster consumerism, the classic vertical marketplace of legacy US and European candy producing giants have been indirectly dragged into politics, with the help of a terminator drone, as the 2024 election looms. The board of directors at the behemoths producing mass quantities are involved in intense discussion as to the merits of gender identification through candy type.
At intricated rarified times, the realm of politics cannot be distinguished from a fictional dreamworld, and one of the methods to process the madness is to play along with the game, especially if bureaucracy identifies as a diamond sleek starship of innovation racing to the vortex of the universe to mine fundamental freedoms from a quantum singularity.
Identifying as the “new normal” following the orders from a Federal judge, Missouri lawmakers have yield to the will of legal system to eliminate a Halloween safety mandate designed to keep minors away from registered sex offenders. The controversial ruling incited various factions of tricks, treats, and parents identifying as vigilantes successfully devoured or were devoured (not the parents) by the front line of striking confection delivery truckers and the regional union protestors (Union local UDOPS 8112) of drone operators. The virtual feeding frenzy was sparked by the fleeing candy bars from the state and the hysteria and blissful anticipation of the holiday stretch run.
Just in time for the ghoulish fright night, the disturbing surrender by the Missouri legislature resulted in a requirement being shelved stipulating that registered sex offenders must display signage during Halloween to deter children from literally knocking on the front door. Specifically, the legislation made it mandatory for those convicted of various sex crimes to post a sign on their property reading, “No candy or treats at this residence.” The US District court judge ruled that the measure violated the First Amendment and was a clear example of “compelled speech” or preventing a citizen to make the choice of either using their own words or choosing to remain silent. The aftermath of the legal intervention prompted a mini-revolution of sorts in both the human and inanimately delicious candy sectors.
While the flesh and blood reaction to the fate of the preemptive legislation was metered on all levels of society, the entirety of the candy hierarchy led by Hershey bars was sent into a frenzy.
In drawing conclusions from the sweeping view of the complexities of the hot-button issues from the lower reaches of the atmosphere, an obvious solution is to prevent all contact between registered sexual offenders and kids. However, all deviants are not created equal based on the severity of crimes, and this merits debate. Being branded as a sex offender for life in the criminal justice system can range from act of a 20-year-old sexually engaged with a 17-year-old, to the extremes of a rapist who committed a violent an indescribable act. Categorical crimes remain tenuous in allowing for proper evaluation of an individual, as both aforementioned parties are permanently grouped as vile miscreants, and there exists a clear discrepancy of how society assesses and prepares for varying threat levels based on this and many other examples. Outside of the First Amendment confines of the judge’s ruling, it is understandable that within the essence of the decision, the nuances were being weighed of what is and is a highly complex discussion from the optics surrounding low level sexual offenders, and the idea that one minor mistake can tarnish the reputation of an individual for a lifetime.
While a number of Missouri lawmakers supported the ruling and removal of the requirements based on the judge’s interpretation of the Constitution, the commitment to the safety of children can be called into question emanating directly from the courtroom, especially to those who advocate for vigilance and reducing violent crimes. Other states have similar laws on the books addressing the potential risks of minors and sexual offenders interacting that have thus far passed the legal test.
From candy to fundamental rights, the pending conundrum in Missouri is both an indictment of possible legal and bureaucratic shortsightedness, and the inability of certain politicians to process nuance, and failure to practice reasonable governance. The act of trick or treating now identifies as a platform for an agenda and intense deliberation, as candy aficionados brace for the future shock nightmare of the bitter aftertaste of dismay.