Struggling against the relentless historical current of the formidable global timeline, the ancient murmurs of bone dust and sand bestowed treasured secrets upon the contemporary world. Helped by a team of Israeli scientists, the temporal paradox of time travel was at least illuminated in transparency for a brief respite, as a series of forgotten Egyptian yeast strains from the age of the Pharaohs ruling over the emaciated fertile banks of the Nile, were released into the present.
In what researchers believe to have existed from 5000 years into the past, are the organic components of an Egyptian brewery, reports the BBC, and liberated from the remnants of pottery, the key active ingredient responsible for crafting the essence and unique signature to a beer, was put to the test by a group of ale loving biologists. The result, a 6% alcohol content hefeweizen refreshing concoction worth enjoying with a friend, and a 14% sweet Mead variety. The ancient beverage reanimation team cautiously hopes that the time-tested tradition of alcoholic beverages with historical relevance to the Pharaohs, will act as a sobering metaphor for society in embracing the successes of the past and combating the ominous epidemic of instant gratification. At least one hopes that the vicious revisionist tactics bombarding the past and evidence with politicized visceral drivel in championing an agenda, can endure a Smollett induced vanishing act from the public sphere in a forever banishment to the musty catacombs of perpetual irrelevance.
While the noble cause for celebrating the rich tapestry of human civilization within the project is quite evident, the current traffic jam and convoluted strained marketplace of eclectic micro-breweries and home brews available to consumers demands an esoteric intervention, a narrative which is captured by the resiliency of the yeast derivatives surviving the rugged centuries only to emerge as tantalizing social libation. Adjusting over the centuries for inflation, the potentially burgeoning business model based on a per pour basis is off the charts in creating financial fortunes. In all seriousness, the novelty in offering a beer flight that witnessed the construction of the pyramids, could result in a $2 or $3 a round upcharge at the bar top. Not bad for an arduous and extensive discovery circuit through the laboratory. Unfortunately for the scientists, the obvious brand name of “Pyramid” is already taken by a Seattle-based brewery, and the voracious Nile Carp consumed all remaining ancient grain seeds in providing flour for pretzels.
At the very least, consuming a pint of the legacy beer will prove a mildly intoxicating experience and conjure up some mummy love of a self-embalming metaphysical journey in challenging the current zombie apocalypse and vampire infestation of hipsters vying to do the least amount of work possible in earning an undeserved helping of fiscal and emotional entitlement. The entire ugly scandalized notion of the “me movement” requires a shot of early AD Mezcal, preferably isolated form the Aztec ruins in meticulous and adroit fashion, to compliment the nectar of the Pharaohs.
Regardless of the quality or spiritual disposition the archaeological alcoholic duo, the true reward is in the experience and knowing that sipping a cool one links the deepest of the past to the nearest future horizons. Next up, liberating Ghengis Khan’s fermented goat milk cocktail, or the Democratic Socialists attempt to reanimate the savage bloodthirsty leader of the Mongols for a run at the 2020 election.
Read the BBC story here.
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