As the glorified taxi experience of Uber continues to breaks the rules by dodging taxes, cutting corners on liability insurance and disallowing employees to exercise Second Amendment rights, it was just a matter of time before the grating shrill cry from the millennial peanut gallery echoed- “We need a ride, because we sit in front of the video game console all day and we are too lazy to visit a restaurant or grocery story.”
The instant gratification meter of enablement just reached a fatal reading of over 2 million microSieverts on the Geiger counter in the meltdown of society, as humanity slowly and painfully loses its survival instinct, thanks to the widely accepted myth that a smartphone can feed, shelter and ultimately replace procreation with trashy sessions of sexting. Thanks to the latest business move by the venerable ride sharing giant, the superglue permanently adhering the thumb of the nation of tiny screen just dried out a bit more, as according to MSN.com, the company plans to experiment with a literal “fast food” delivery service, where customers can expect the arrival of a cuisine of comfort in less than the thirty minutes. In celebration of the frenetic pace of life’s digital construct, Uber is targeting the five minute milestone as the goal for fulfilling orders.
While, the technology possesses intriguing applications in a limited capacity for solitary individuals with mobility issues, the overall assault on interpersonal interaction continues.
In the wake of the announcement by the Silicone Valley based corporation, to basically go Amazon and clog the lower altitude airways with a Jetson’s cyberpunk approach in winning the hipster consumer demographic with self-labeled eco-friendly drones, the reasonable person has to ponder whether the fleet of aircraft will be piloted by humans, or will the operation consist of a self-flying approach in navigating through the impossible maze of buildings, power lines, songbirds and the inflated egos of the tech culture, gently wavering the breeze? Everyone with a brain knows how well the self-driving thing is going, and furthering the flawed mentality into the realm of sentient flying robots is surely a disaster waiting to happen. Residents of San Diego, are awarded the esteemed privilege of having to look into the heavens before safely crossing the street.
Allegedly, Uber will begin testing the program thanks to a brilliant decision by the Federal Aviation Association transform the skies into open laboratories for commercial drone testing. A clip from a popular cartoon cannot say it any better, than a conversation involving Michael Eisner and Bill Gates.
Read the MSN.com story here.
