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Why Did The Deer Cross The Road?

October 9, 2018 By Conn Williamson

Highlighting the innovative amenities of a late model vehicle, a deer was the unfortunate test subject in a brutal accidental promotional video illustrating a primal and raw stunning conclusion to the natural world literally clashing with the modern engineering heights of humanity. PETA is now desperately grasping to wrap the collective’s head around a new ideological hate humanity campaign featuring something like…“If a deer falls in the forest, and there are no activists around to witness the timeless and gentle ceremony of nature, can we still smoke out? If the weapon of a vehicle savagely and inhumanely kills an innocent creature of the biosphere, can we smoke out and impede rush hour traffic in vapid protest?” 

A juvenile buck attempting to traverse a roadway, collided with a speeding car and violently glanced off the left front side of the vehicle before being helicoptered into the air like Rudolf executing an ugly barrel roll, and narrowly missing a cyclist riding in the opposite direction. Fortunately for the driver and the rider travelling on the North Carolina rural highway, both parties were able to avoid catastrophe. The entire stunning “blink of an eye” incident representing the stark realities of physics, of course was captured on camera and is now circulating throughout the spy server network of the Beijing dark web. YouTube user Fine Witness was gracious enough to post the video online.

German automobile Audi has to be ecstatic, that a late model coup was able to survive the bone-crushing interlude and the corporation is now promoting SAT level mathematical story problems, as a marketing ploy towards the 18-20 demographic. “If a sleek two ton 2017 Q7 is travelling at 5o mph on a pristine day for driving collides a 100-pound deer galloping at 30 mph at a 90 degree angle, would a self-driving actually stop in the wake of the accident?”

There are two morals to this story, always take “Deer Crossing” signs seriously (You mean deer do not look both ways?), and Karma does not always follow logic in facilitating cruel irony, as the poor driver of the SUV trailing the bikers endured the dubious horror of running over the carcass.

 

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