The hot selling Nerf Ultra One, which has morphed from a trending gift idea into a controversy by people with massive reserves of free time.
In the almost exhausted calendar of 2019, a year proven to test the will and fortitude of any reasonable human being, a collection of extremists illustrating the antithesis to the crafted dissonance of a majestic choir, are lobbying to gain the attention of the vaunted Time Magazine editorial board. With seconds on the shot clock, the target of their insufferable rant and critique of the free world does not directly invade ideological territory, but when an all-ages toy devolves to the icon for a movement spurred on by synchronized lunacy, esteemed bureaucrats of the UN and argyle sweater donning dinosaurs of the dying print medium are forced to put down their Waterford crystal chalices filled with bourbon, and gasp in the collective warmth of breaking news worthy groupthink.
Stop the presses. All Nerf “assault-style” guns should be barred from the household, the playground, and permanently outcast to a desolate landfill in the shadows of meth country.
According to the Empire State Consumer Project, a collection of parents and consumer advocates gradually dulling out the vibrant colors of fun, until only a maudlin gray remains, and the minds of society’s children can be molded like clay for the purpose of social justice grooming, all Nerf products are not created equal. (While the ESCP acts as a watchdog for potentially harmful products to small children, they are their assessment of the motorized fully automatic toy rifle borders on the laughable.)
Allegedly, a toy that does a horrible job in resembling an actual firearm, stirs up instinctive feelings of gratuitous violence in kids and represents a cultural archetype pandering to the exploitation of women and minorities. The investigative team at Time is eagerly awaiting the cultural lobotomy for their 2030 year ending spectacular featuring an 8-year-old con Conscientious objector, while both Ammoland.com, and the Daily Wire, reported on the unsettling trend of certain adults in combining partisan politics and the attack on fun in a noxious mixture.
Even the intellectually dishonest position is simply window dressing for a plant dwelling grazing herd of self-righteous reactionaries momentarily distracted by the effulgent holiday lights and traditional religious tidings as the apex of the Christmas season shines brightly. Apparently, the mission statement of the group is simple, yet ingrained with hyperbole, “One Nerf projectile, per one Nerf gun, equates to more fun.” The boorish linear directive is only worsened by the absence of “bullet”, or “artillery”.
Yeah, try telling that to the kid who has to face his nemesis in a neighborhood battle featuring a DIY masterpiece engineered at an MIT lab by a hip uncle, a colossal game changer that fires 30 rounds of Nerf foam material per second at speeds surpassing Mach 2.
Radicals have become so bereft of reason, that anything construed as relevant to the gun control movement, including certain toys and cartoons, are used as pathetic props in attempting to convolute policy through deflection and passive aggressive brainwashing. The parent company of Nerf will certainly profit from the axiom of “no press is bad press”, and endure a similar phenomenon to the uptick in gun sales in the aftermath of plans for anti-firearm legislation unleashed by politicians.
Whether it be a public outcry against the advertising campaign of a popular fitness product, or the Nerf Ultra One innovative and formidable instrument of playtime, available at Amazon for $94.99, the cottage industry of activism has lost its collective marbles as on one hand lobbyists advocate on crucial issues such improving the conditions in the third world and ousting blood thirsty tyrannical dictators, and on the other delve into some of the most superficial non-issues that are at the best a time burglar, and at the worst a complete waste of valuable energy resources. Everybody loses when a topic of such inanity surrounding a toy is forced to be addressed, because of the overall dwindling critical thinking skills, and the dangerous propensity of groups and individuals attempting to put limitations of freedoms that at one point were taken for granted.
In celebration of the bah humbug mentality of societal engineers bring on the Nerf Ultra One!