Welcome the LPP weekly summary of news and views the mainstream press will not touch with one entitled brain cell, leaving a score of net zero on the Ted Turner fact checking scale.
The clock is ticking loudly as the days, minutes and seconds countdown to the end of election season, and the obligatory threats from the losing side that they are moving to New Zealand or Greenland in an act of peaceful protest, and an obvious attempt to fish for sympathy.
As politicians scramble to introduce controversial legislation under the guise of the Trump versus Harris battle royal (Biden is allegedly sitting this one out to retool), the Halloween treats are already starting to haunt citizens. This is candy with razor blade folks. The ghouls of the Seattle city council are at it again, and it this point handing criminals the key to the city. Seattle is the national model for anti-policing and has seen and unprecedented surge in lawlessness in the wake of liberal policies instituted by public officials, and a progressive stance on criminal behavior.
KOMO-TV reports that legislation introduced by councilmember Lisa Herbold could change parts of the city’s fundamental legal code and allow for an affirmative defense in basically wiping out misdemeanors. At least the official low arrest record and detainment rate could earn the city some federal grant money to waste on providing every citizen with an electric bike, and earn healthy kickbacks for selected bureaucrats.
Individuals convicted of crimes such as theft, drug use, vandalism, and harassment, would be able to choose from a list of excuses, which include fall under the headings of addiction, mental health, or poverty in receiving a get out of jail free card. “I’m sorry judge. I’m an alcoholic, but that electric bike really caught my eye. I didn’t mean to crash into your Tesla, but I was being chased. And you know trying to balance with a six-pack in one hand is not an easy task.”
This is not Monopoly, but hell. The city council begs to differ, and would use tax payer funds like in the board game by taking Boardwalk and transforming it into Baltic Avenue, with the help of street thug voters, who should be behind bars, roaming freely. The disappointing caveat is that residents suffer from the Stockholm syndrome, as they keep electing an escalating breed of radicals to public office.
Miss America- Eat Your Heart Out!
While US culture wrestles with gender reassignment and the boomeranging battle of the sexes spearheaded by special interests resulting in uncomfortable confusion, Jamaica is the place to be in the post-apocalyptic Coronavirus world of beauty pageants. The pending doom of society has allegedly spurred a record number of female beauty queens to enter the “Miss Jamaica” competition, even though health restrictions have severely limited the number of available spots on the winner’s podium. Talks in securing Usain Bolt as the pageant’s MC are evidently going smoothly. While Americans battle to save women’s sports from an uncertain future, the Jamaicans still have their priorities straight.
Testing The Resolve Of A Brave Homeowner
Amid the fervent anti-firearm environment of the greater Chicago area, law-abiding citizens are somehow still managing to exercise their right to self-defense. A resident in Marquette Park, near the the city’s Midway airport, encountered a terrifying scenario, but thanks to proper training, and remaining cool under fire, managed to avoid a catastrophe in the presence of a bold criminal. Local police report that a 67-year-old woman, alerted by her neighbor to a possible intruder, encountered an alleged burglar attempting to flee with some of her belongings from an attached garage. The super senior acted quickly, firing one shot and hitting the crook with an amazing display of efficiency. Authorities pronounced the perp dead at the scene, and the homeowner can live happily ever after to support the notion that crime will never be tolerated, and split second life versus death decisions do not have the luxury of waiting for the police to respond.
Social Media CEO Tweets “I lie freely”
In not wishing to face the scrutiny of his partner in crime (crime is apparently the word of the week), Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, claimed that his social media community does not alter the complexion of elections, which is a blatant lie, as allegedly voters have access to other sources of information. Dorsey’s rhetoric was the highlight of a live remote senate hearing, according to USA Today, and prompted by stern questioning from Ted Cruz, and other members.
A pair of other digital dignitaries flanked the Twitter CEO, including Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg, and Google CEO Sundar Pichai. Dorsey’s failed attempt to dodge the accusations that influence of social media is prevalent in all aspects of society and especially politics, and is why the Feds and a growing proportion of Americans are fed up that the actions of the corporations have no consequences. In a scathing indictment criticizing big tech’s aloofness and uneven censorship policies, Cruz fired this statement at Dorsey, “Who the hell elected you and put you in charge of what the media are allowed to report?”
The Yelp From The Nittany Lion
In one of the most bizarre endings in modern college football history, Indiana let Penn State score a touchdown in the late moments of a ballgame, and rode the strategic blunder to an improbable victory. What looked like an academic hard fought rode win for the Nittany Lions up 21-20, after stopping the Hoosiers on Indiana’s 14 yard line with 1:47 to go, quickly degraded to desperation and face palming disappointment. All Penn State had to do to secure win was to run out the clock, and then the craziness ensued.
Indiana QB Michael Penix stretches for a two point conversion attempt.
On the very next play, Penn State running back Devyn Ford, instructed to fall down in the field of play, jogged 14 yards untouched and briefly stopping at the goal line in apparent indecision before stumbling into the endzone for a touchdown. The Nittany Lions added the extra point to make it 28-20, but had to kick it to the Hoosiers, who had ample time to tie the game with a score and a two point conversion. On cue, Indiana marched down the field for a td with only :22 seconds remaining and knotted the game with the two point conversion. Penn State was not done yet and drove to the Indiana 40-yard-line setting up a potential 57-yard game winning field goal attempt which was barely missed. In overtime, the teams traded scores, and the Hoosiers opted to go for two and the win, with quarterback Michael Penix scoring a bang-bang and controversial two point conversion in ending an epic and inexplicable comeback victory, 36-35. With the Penn State nation in disarray, and Hoosier fans scrapping their plans to hyper-jump directly to basketball season, the scintillating track meet on the gridiron provided a tangible distraction from Covid-19 and the election. Who needs Lebron James, when the celebration of amateur athletics leads to thrills and chills?
Murder Hornets Is Just In A Name
The Asian giant hornet is larger than its already overblown reputation and homicidal nickname, as the bird-sized zeppelin of the insect kingdom, has now officially established residence within US borders. Public wildlife officials in Washington state identified the first nest of what the Japanese refer to as the “giant sparrow bee” on private property in Skagit County (60 miles north of Seattle) last week. In 2019, evidence of the illegal immigrant was first identified in a location north of the nest site. While the name “murder hornet” identifies the pinkie-sized insect’s tendencies towards destruction and voracious appetite for honeybees, the sting from the venom is no more dangerous to humans than terrestrial backyard species.
Entomologists tracked the colony from live workers captured within the area to ground zero, nestled in the rotting flesh of an Alder tree within shouting distance from a residence. Rivaling a scene from Third Encounters of the Close Kind (or something like that… No offense to the aliens or Richard Dreyfuss) with personnel donning space age safety suites, authorities proceeded to exterminate the nest and secured the population of insects with a modified vacuum. There is no word yet whether local animal rights groups plan to protest, or if there has been any backlash from endemic species. Indications won’t surface until Spring on either development. Speculation is growing however, whether or not the insect is the product of Chinse next-gen experiments and will alter national voting patterns, or a fallout from 20th century African bee and domestic species laboratory mating pairings.